Marriage
God as centre
We have found that God needs to be at the centre of each person’s life. He is your true source. This means that you can seek God for change in yourself and this will benefit yourself and your spouse.
So if you are fed up with being grumpy, start being grateful instead.
Be intentional. Tell God you want to change, that you don’t want to be negative and act in that way anymore. Ask Him to change the way you think and see things. Ask Him for His perspective. And He will!
If you are fed up with being angry about something your spouse does, does it really matter? Is it worth getting upset and angry about and causing disharmony and dishonour to God, and upsetting Holy Spirit within you? There has to be a better way to live.
Love and Respect
Nevertheless, each one of you must also love his own wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
Ephesians 5:33 (NET)
We have learnt that this is very important to understand – how husbands and wives think.
Wives are always asking ‘Does he love me?’ and the husbands are asking ‘Does she respect me?’
So we found it helpful to say to the other person ‘When you did … I didn’t feel loved/respected’ so that the other person understands that they need to change their behaviour in that area and think about the other person. This prevents perceived unloving/disrespectful actions from piling up until one person explodes! It means that you can have a gentle conversation about something rather than an argument.
Speak what you want to be true in your marriage. Regularly, if not every day, one of us will say “I love you” and sometimes I will say “David loves Mary and Mary loves David”. I also find it good to say that I love David after saying something negative and after saying sorry to him.
Knowing you spouse’s love language
There’s 5 main ways that we express and receive love. We can express love to the other in the love language we expect, instead of in the way they expect and need. It’s important to identity your spouse’s love language.
- Words of affirmation
- Receiving gifts
- Acts of service
- Quality time together
- Physical touch
Love not Anger
For all the law can be summarized on one grand statement: “Demonstrate love to your neighbour, even as you care for and love yourself”. But if you continue to criticize and come against each other over minor issues, you’re acting like wild beasts trying to destroy one another!
Galatians 5:14-15 TPT
So them, my brethren beloved, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger, for the wrath of a man righteousness of God doth not work.
James 1:19-20 YLT
In a conflict moment, stop and take Communion and see each other through the blood. This will bring God’s peace, see each other in unity with Christ and each other.
Bitterness can be resolved by: 1 confessing it as sin (see Acts 8:23), 2 Ask God for the strength to forgive and diligently seek it., 3 Discuss with your spouse, 4 You can change, but only God can change your Spouse, leave it to him.